When resisting is not working

What do I mean by resisting?

Alright, according to online dictionary Merriam-Webster, resist means:

intransitive verb
: to exert force in opposition
transitive verb
1 : to exert oneself so as to counteract or defeat <he resisted temptation>
2 : to withstand the force or effect of <material that resists heat>


My version, to resist is not to acknowledge something which is usually associated with bad things. You can name activities like gambling, stealing, or using drugs. I don’t such experience nor have friends who did that so far. And, the resisting process I’m talking here is related to someone you care about, someone whom you are close with.

Possible Scenario

Your best friend is addicted to online games; he/she used up all their parents money which are supposed to pay for their education, to pay the game. Or, one of your family is addicted into gambling. What would you do?

Common Reaction

When I was in university, I know some friends of theirs set a distance with them. A sign doesn’t want to be involved or stay away from trouble. But do you think keeping a distance from them will solve the problem? I don’t think so.

Possible Approach

Personally, I feel that people are good by default. They turn bad because of some conditons. So, if I were happened in that situation, I would do my best to still befriend with them, to accept them although I don’t like what they did or wish them to change or to throw the bad things away.

Referring back to previous question, will it be good for them if we’re staying away from them? I remember a talk by Ajahn Brahm few times ago. To resist something bad, it is basically shifted our focus to the bad things. Our mind will think about it again and over again. If by any chance you also read “The Secret” book by Rhonda Byrne, you may find both of Ajahn Brahm and Rhonda Byrne said the same idea.

When we said we don’t want A, which is the bad thing. Subconsciously, our mind focus is on A, and the “don’t” part is gone. Eventually, we will get A, which we don’t want. Resisting it also doesn’t solve anything, like our friendships will not going anywhere too.

So, by still accepting whoever they are, regardless whatever what they do. The acceptance will make them more comfortable. I know that some of my other friends did that, and their friends became more open to them. They started to tell the reason behind their actions, the reasons they chose it and not to forget, actually they also wanted to quit or to change to a better person. They were just didn’t know how to solve or face their problems because they feel alone.

I don’t say that we don’t resist at all on bad things. Resistance is a good sign, means that we are aware about things around us. Things which are good and suit us, and to others that bad and don’t suit us. The definition of good and bad is different from person to person. To some people, doing bad things occasionally is still acceptable, while others don’t feel that way. So, when there are some people who resist on something or ourselves, can also means that there are different acceptance levels around us. And since we’re living with people around us, it also means we learn something called tolerance.

Lastly, I know that I seldom experience this and it’s easier to speak out than done. But, if I were happened to experience that one day, I’ll do my best to be there for them. And one more thing, it doesn’t necessarily have to be related with others, we can apply it for ourselves too, or at least it works for me. 🙂