Category: attitude

anything that helps kartika angkawijaya during hard times, inspires or motivate her to go through those times

When Helping Others Starts Turning Into Quiet Resentment

the word think on a pin board

For a long time, I thought my frustration toward certain people meant: Especially when I reacted internally to situations like: Part of me kept wondering:“Am I becoming cold?” But after reflecting more deeply, I realised the issue was not lack of empathy. The real issue was exhaustion from carrying too much. The Pattern I Started Noticing I realised I naturally become: Especially in: Because I tend to: Over time, people like this often quietly become the “buffer” in a group. […]

When You Outgrow Your Environment But Still Fear Becoming Arrogant

wooden blocks spelling challenge concept

One uncomfortable realisation I had recently:I no longer work or learn the same way as many people around me. At first, I thought I was simply becoming impatient. But after reflecting deeper, I realised the feeling was more complicated than that. It was not:“I think I’m smarter than everyone.” In fact, I fear becoming that person. The real discomfort came from feeling: That contradiction created more emotional tension than I expected. The Trigger Started From Group Work The situation itself […]

What ChatGPT Observed About Me After Hours Of Conversations

portrait of man with stack of hats

At one point, I asked ChatGPT a simple question: “What have you learned about me from all these conversations?” What came back was not a personality test result or motivational quote. It was more like reading a behavioural reflection written by a neutral coach who had been observing recurring patterns over time. Some parts felt accurate immediately.Some parts made me uncomfortable.Some parts explained behaviours I had never fully connected before. This post is not about whether AI “knows” someone deeply. […]

Why Some People’s “Excited Sharing” Secretly Irritates Us

woman talking on the telephone

Recently, I realised I kept feeling oddly irritated whenever a friend excitedly shared her learning journey in a group chat. In this case, she had just started learning something I had learned few years back. She kept sharing discoveries, thoughts, and updates with enthusiasm. Objectively, nothing was wrong. But internally, I kept thinking:“Why does this feel so extra?” Then came the guilt:“Am I being mean?”“Am I jealous?”“Am I cold?” The deeper I analysed myself, the more uncomfortable I became. After […]

When Your Brain Keeps Running “What If” Scenarios Nonstop

Cluster of glowing question marks intertwined in a spherical shape

A late-night reflection with ChatGPT turned into this post because recently, I realised my brain has been constantly branching into “what if” scenarios. Not only for major life decisions. Even small things became mentally exhausting. Examples: Every situation seemed to split into multiple possible outcomes. And before I could even complete one task, my brain already started simulating: At one point, even resting felt difficult because my brain refused to stop anticipating. How This Usually Starts At first, anticipatory thinking […]

Hello September

Crossroads on the way to Llanover

It’s been a long while.. since last entry to the blog site. I know, I told myself that I want to go back to blogging regularly, but somehow this and that are preventing me to go back to something I enjoy in the past. It’s been awhile that I sit down and have a chat with my mind. Let’s start with what happened recently. First, on role being made redundant in June. I wasn’t expecting this at all. I was […]

Happy New Year 2024

I know, it’s way way late for this. There had been some internal monologue happened offline. To post or not to post. My brain brought me to a rabbit hole of thinking why is this and why is that. It’s constant internal struggle. Sometimes I also wonder why. I didn’t have such a struggle last time. I can channel my thought without any issues. There was a period of time when you feel “alone”. Because you and your friends are […]

About overwhelmed

aerial photo of city street and buildings

It’s time for the (work) mid year review.. (oh no) That’s what I feel this week. I did my homework, preparing about things to discuss with boss. I was quite confident that I’m okay this time. But I wasn’t. Again I was humbled. That after the session I went spiral down that I’m not good enough, my justification was seen as excuse, why I can’t meet certain goal up to this year. Tried to voice out, but feels just slammed […]