The day when I didn’t get what I want

On many occasions in my life, I didn’t get what I want. Below are some of the big lost in my life (and some big found too). I hope you bare with me, since it’s going to be a bit long than usual and I hope that you can find these stories helpful.

Failed

The story line

Starting since when I was at my primary school, I was thinking joining school marching band was cool, maybe to play some instruments or do some cool tricks. I registered for it, I was selected, in flag team because I can’t play any musical instruments.

I was disappointed at first, but later I enjoy to be inside the flag team. When the big parade came out, they was selecting team members among all of us. I was hoping to be there. I was not selected, again.

When I was at junior high, I was selected to be inside student body. The purpose was to voice out what students want and to hold out events for students. It was my first organization experience. I enjoy to work together with others whom were from different class, or seniors. I felt accomplishment when the events finished.

When I was at high school, I wanted to relive my experince. I tried to join student body again. I was qualified as selected candidates so I needed to for a “camp” over the weekend. It was a fun camp, seniors were giving us tasks to be done, put us into different groups for different tasks. Basically it’s a selection camp. I thought, I could make it. They announced the selection result on following week. I was not selected. Some people were telling me that there were 2 people whom have different religion among the groups. I was one of them. But the other person made it.

When I was university, I told myself that I wanted to join as many as student activities as I could. I craved for rich life experience. I joined different student organization, and volunteered as event committee for few times. I thought I wasn’t skillful enough to be inside the student organization because others were ex-student body on their high school or joined whatever club during their high school time. I was nervous when I was standing in front of selection panel for the first event I want to join in. I was accepted, I gained some experiences and confidence, and I started to get addicted to be event committee.

When I was graduated, I was applying a job from a well known company in my country. There are many fresh graduates from different universities was inside the preliminary test hall . I was one of them. We sat in, they passed us the test papers, and time started to count down. It took us approximately 2 hours. We submitted the test, we waited for the list. Talking confidently to each others while others put a fake smile try to look supportive. When they put the result, most of us ran to the board, anxiously searching for each name. After a while, I approached the board with my friends, they found theirs, I didn’t find mine.

When I was working, I wished to study abroad. I wanted to experience living independently, in different cultures, meeting new friends, or you may can call it, to embark a new journey. So, I tried to go for a scholarships. I applied one after another scholarship to different countries. It took me weeks to fill out the registration form, I was thinking what should I write there. Should I write something fantastic or I just be myself. Anyway, I didn’t get it, both. Then another friend of mine was telling me that there is another scholarship that approaching deadlines. So, I thought, well yeah I failed two times, three times will not make any big difference. I applied it, it only took me one and a half days to complete the form, unlike the previous two. I posted it using the most express post possible. And one day when I was having a lunch with my colleague, my mom called me that she just received a big fat brown envelope stated from the scholarship bodies I applied for. That day, I just can’t wait to reach home and to open it. Yes, I got it.

My boss, at that time, was happy for me. He asked me this question. If you ever know that you’re going to have this, will you still be mourning over your failure to get into that big company. (Although I pretended, a little, that it was no big deal for me, yet he was still overseeing me.) He asked me with his witty smile over his face. I looked at him and said no firmly. Then he said, good, you’re never know what you’re going to get from life. It will give you surprises.

The anti climax

To continue the title of my post, the day when I didn’t get what I want, I know that something bigger is waiting for me ahead.

As long I don’t give up or stop, as long as I’m aware about things around me. It may feel that time moves slowly, and I’m easily pissed off or impatient. But when it happens, the journey and the waiting felt nothing just sweet.

Cheers to all my failures. 🙂 and to all surprises I had so far. Some of them may not be sweet, but all of them are what I need.

PS: not to mention, almost failed a subject during my third year university. I scored bad, very bad, for my mid term test. But, I managed that to be sweet happy ending. I put the result on my room wall and I told myself that I like this subject, I respect the lecturer, and this should teach me a really good lesson, to be more careful in reading instructions and plan my answer.

And thanks for reading this. You can consider to re-tweet this story if you like it, or share your stories to me 🙂

Failure

  • Iwan

    If you never fail, you never live.