New year = new resolutions?

First of all, Happy new year!!

It’s been a while haven’t write here, that’s what I thought at first. Feels like want to write my thoughts yet confuse which one should I write – even the first sentence to begin this post. So I guess, I just need to take it slowly and be patience with myself – writing this is kind of helping me straightening things out. It’s not to be read by someone, it’s good though if someone reads it, which means I shared my thoughts with people who read it, but if it’s not, it’s still good for me anyway.

As my title for this post, does new year equal to new resolution? I’m still trying to find the answer for myself. To be honest, sometimes I felt a bit lost. Lost in myself since there are many things that I like to do but, it’s obvious, time is the limit. Therefore, lost here means I even can’t determine what I like to do or what I will become. This is happened since I decided to resign from my working place few months ago.

I worked for a private institute in my hometown as lecturer after my graduation. I was given opportunity because I was already teaching assistant during my final year of study. I worked there because I feel challenged to repair the system as I felt that the system was calling me. Honestly, the system was not so justified for us students even since I was student there. Therefore I felt that this might be my chance to do something useful, for the place where I learn and grow. After working there for 1.5 years, I was given opportunity to study abroad by scholarship. I learned many new things and able to see differently. Living in a new culture was hell of exciting experience for me and somehow, it influenced me in terms how I think and act. Finishing the study for 1.5 years, I returned to my campus as I promised before.

However, things are not the same anymore. Not only me – who changes, but also the campus. Being away for a while, not interacting with people inside it for sometime were quite a surprise for me. I can see a lot of things in my “old” workplace that I dislike but I don’t have choices or able to do something about it.  It’s more like “take it” or “leave it” world.

Before returning to that place, I was preparing myself to face some changes. However, it wasn’t well prepared, or at least, my effort wasn’t paid off. I still quite surprised with the changes, or more likely I can’t take it anymore.

Now, when I’m looking back what happened few months ago, I still able to feel the pain and the stress. It also feels like I’m having minor trauma about that place.

Now, when I have lots of free time, I let myself has a peace moment with me. Asking what I would like to do in this year, what I would like to achieve, what dreams that I’d like to follow and many other questions.

So, I guess, I’m hoping that I will be able to fulfill my dreams or maybe before that, I will be able to find “me”. The “me” that feels comfortable without thinking what others will say about “me”. I won’t add something sophisticated to be my new year resolution. That’s my 2009 resolution.

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