Still related to my previous post, about being realist or idealist, now I was asked this question, do I brave enough to be different?
It is my nature to deeply think about something, even I often had some sleepless nights when something important was coming closer and closer. I used not to be like that, but just different symptomps haha :p. When I was junior high and senior high, I tend to be nervous till I can’t think clearly. As I enter my university, I had gastric pain when I was exhausted and stressed. Now, it moves to upper part, my brain. The more I think about something, I can’t release it from my head therefore, I can’t sleep at night.
In relation to it, I had some lately. The reason is simple, I’m taking decision which surprised many people, as if it was’t me. Yes, it’s still related to my resign decision. People think I’m too impulsive. The job market is not in it’s good condition since the economical reces, even after America elected its new president. Looking for a job maybe harder than before.
Despite some disagreement that I had with management people in my working place, I grew in that place. I learned a lot, fought many with my pals, been merry for many occassions yet cried together. My feeling when I leave the place is leaving my home, which I don’t feel comfortable anymore to “live” in that house.
That “home” has been my comfort zone for many years. Quite a lot I received offer to “stay” in other different places, yet I was refusing them all. But, why this time I dare to take that decision, to leave my “home”?
My sole purpose and answer is chasing out my dream which I can’t never make it come true if I staying in my “house”.
Some people in the management offered me a place to return to, well, maybe more like parents who still welcomes their child after their child long gone. The offer may be my fail safe plan. However, to me, it’s more like your first love. It’s sweet but remembering the memories you had previously you might not even want to come back. Or, it’s better to keep some distances from it, it’s good to be there while I’m here.
So, a conversation with an old pal this morning make me realize about the reason my current state (jobless and job hunting). There are times when I’m down, losing my confidence whether I’m able to fulfill my dream, whether it’s wrong to take this decision. Because sometimes it’s hard to believe something that you cannot see, it’s like walking on an invisible bridge. However, there is one song from SMAP, 世界に一つだけの花 (read: sekai ni hitotsu dake no hana) which means “a flower unlike any other in the world”.
Some excerpt from the chorus:
Sekai ni hitotsu dake no hana
Hitori hitori chigau tane o motsu
Sono hana o sakaseru koto dake ni
Isshou kenmei ni nareba ii
A flower unlike any other in the world
and each and everyone of us carries a different seed
We should focus all our efforts on trying to make that flower bloom.
I realise that human are hard to please. When I was different, in terms of walking my path alone, I feel lonely and often think why it’s so hard. On the other hand, when I was surrounded by many friends, I want to be different. They always want something that they don’t have that time. Desho?
Therefore, I think I should be more confident, determined and brave. It’s okay to be different, we’re having different dreams anyway.