Yes, it’s me. Still kicking and alive in 2021. Just that I really feel lost lately and that makes me lost motivation of doing anything. I just go with the flow, I do bare minimum to get by, things used to excites me .. don’t excite me anymore.
But me being me, after accumulation of feeling meh, part of me started to protest and trying to break the cycle.
Apparently, it’s not just me who feels it. Only I discovered it lately when connecting with people I hardly talk to in Whatsapp. This also because during my meh days, those I often chat with gradually talk less with me. Perhaps, everyone just gets busy and I just get a slump.
At some days, I feel easily triggered by some posts I saw in the social media or news channel. Although I know that there ARE so many things beyond my control, why I’m fussing over it and taking it on myself.
But I think I know the started of this spiral is because I was trying to be fluid, which allowing things overflowing to one another and disrupt the entire thing. I see myself as quite structured and to some extent can be rigid too. For example, I like to note down things, I like to compartment my life, I like to create schedule, I like rules and so on.
Then when one of the factor started to demand more time or effort, for example work. I allow it to be the biggest block in my life then I make other things around it. Fast forward to today, it is not only disrupt my personal life, my usual routine but also my sleeping.
When I feel irritated, I feel everything is wrong
- Why wordpress change the experience to be block layout? I feel nothing wrong with the old one. This small change which is not under my remit also makes me annoyed.
- Why so and so are so annoying?
The more irritating feeling is you know that those are not under your control, but yet you still obsessed to it and you can’t let go.
I told myself, if you can overcome similar situation in the past, you will do it again. And yes, the challenge will be more difficult because to gain level (when you’re already beyond novice) will need to take stronger boss.
On separate note, this year I managed to help to foster few cats. Graduates are:
- Jiji (fka Benji)
- Nadja (fka Ami) and her potats
- Phafai (fka Mipan)
- Mochi & Nori (fka Zuzu and Nino)
- Quinn (fka Yuan-yuan)
And current fosters are Sasuke and Sora. It was tough at first when they are graduated but after few times, it’s more like happy tears for them to be graduated and be at their furever home.
Also, watch this.
Alright, i think that’s all for now, will start journaling again, slowly. :p