Future

未来(みらい) the Japanese word for future, the post title

Recently, I read one of the Ajahn Brahm writings in his book, Opening the Door for Your Heart, which discusses about fear. He opens the topic with this sentence,

Fear is finding fault with the future.

If only we could keep in mind how uncertain our future is, then we would never try to predict what could go wrong.

Fear ends right there.

I’m pretty sure some of us will think very hard when going out from the comfort zone. Thinking what should we do next, where are we going to, or planning our steps so we won’t mess up on what we do next. Sometimes thinking about whether we made the right decision over a right consideration.

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Learning about priority…

I was absent writing for three days and within that span, I faced one of my biggest fears. Trying my best to get a job.

This is started on Monday evening, I received a notification about phone interview, to determine whether I’ll be needed to fly over for the second test – technical test or not. If I passed this, it’s like half way to go – for my next job. I was so exciting about it, since I sent many applications yet I didn’t hear any news from them. This was the first reply that I had. I asked my senior who already worked there – I’m doing my homework, finding out necessary information which may help me during the interview, browsing through the company website and reading e-books about preparing to be interviewed.

Everything was fine until Wednesday. Suddenly, my other laptop was not operable. It kept displaying Windows Welcome Screen when my brother wanted to use it in the morning. It was hardly to believe, since earlier I was still be able to use it.

*Darn! This will be the third laptop to fix within the last two months. My mind started to panic, since I haven’t backed up any data there, I have my master degree class material, my resume – basically all my data were there.

My concentration was splitted.

After playing badminton with my ex-colleagues, I started to work on that laptop in the evening. I cannot figure out what’s wrong with it. And luckily, my other laptop has been recovered and I was able to browse thourgh the Internet from my other laptop, try to find out the problem and the solution. It took me close to midnight, till I decided to give it up and go to sleep. Well, learning from the experience, doing something past 10 pm will not bring any good, besides my head was aching probably exhausted after the games in the afternoon.

I remembered very clearly that Thursday is the Day. However some of my head was still thinking about the laptop. I was “still” working on my laptop almost the whole day, then somehow, I chatted with some friends and I was able to back to focus again for the interview.

The interview was a bit stiff in the beginning. I was stiff, since I haven’t use English for conversation close to half a year. Oh man! I felt that i was able to give the explanation as neutral as possible. Then after the interview session which took an hour and so, I felt surge of relief. I went to see a friend to pick a CD which might help me to repair my laptop.

This morning, I mentioned about yesterday interview to my senior there. He asked me how was the interview yesterday,  I told him that I thought I was doing fine. Surprisingly, it was not as smooth as I imagined. Well… I was shocked too, somehow. During the discussion, he gave me lots of advices. I was so sad, because most of what he told me was right.

After the conversation, I contemplated about what am I dreaming and reaching about, do I do what I need to do to get there, or do I really want to get that job badly or is it because of something else?

I know, this is the first interview since I sent those applications, and this is the first response that I received. Yet I was down because I heard the “result”. I felt a bit lost :p I turned on my laptop, browse things randomly, until I read one of my writings – which I wrote last year.

From me to me,

As we known before, life obviously is more than just ticking our to-do list.
Other may see it like that, and I just don’t.
Will it be a problem for me?
My answer is no.
It’s my life, like Bon Jovi’s song.
I could find hundreds of reasons to argue with them,
however discussing it with people who disagree with me is more interesting to do.
Why?
The reason is I could see different perspective how people see (their) life.
They might try to make me agree with them, try to intimidate me, or the worst thing is try to scared me off.
That’s okay, just let them be.
It’s a natural thing, I did that too sometimes.
When people are in doubt, they will feel more secure by knowing that somebody is agree with them.
People are afraid to be alone, in unknown situation.
Now,
If I were in that situation, what will I do next?
Remember, life is about making choices and this is about you afterall not them anymore,
What kind of choices are you going to make?
What kind of person you wanted to be?
Even, you could choose, how you will react to those?
Angry, happy, disappointed, glad?
And always remember, arguing won’t solve the problem.
You might win the situation, but not the heart.
Your winning in that situation is just temporary satisfaction.

Rich people want a simpler life,
Poor people want a better life,
Young people want to be older and wiser,
Old people want to be younger and sillier,
You see, human being are the most difficult being to be pleased.
We have a lot of things to be owned, achieved, and done.

Be peaceful with yourself!

Do one thing at a time, then do the other thing at the other time.
By doing different things you will not get bored easily.
You always have something to do.
When you eat your favourite dishes, usually you will save the best for the last.
Do that!
Enjoy the “journey”, enjoy every moment when you are doing something.
So, you will remember those as a nice memory.
Or even when you had unpleasant things, just enjoy it because it means you get different things.
By thinking like that, you shift your frequency.
You wouldn’t that pissed anymore.
(from Ajahn Brahm)

How about if you had to juggle with different things in the same time?
The answer is still the same, enjoy it.
See it differently, from different point of view.
See it that, you are capable now, for doing a lot of things.
See it that, you will do things differently now.
Out of your habit.
A challange.
An adventure! Like in RPG.
It’s just the matter how you deal with things,
nothing is related with “yourself” anyway.

The point is, enjoy your life.
Be yourself
which means, don’t let others intimidate or scare you.
Just agree with them if they are trying to do it, it will piss them off. (Ajahn Brahm, again)
which means, do something according to your age.
If you are young, just do like young people do, let it loose, don’t be afraid to try different things.
When you are old, be happy with it, which means you have experience in a lot of things.

So, which kind of life do you want?
Just ask your heart
Listen to it
DO IT!

By being happy with your life, you will influence people to be happy with their life.
Happy is contagiuos!

I feel somewhat better and my spirit lifted-up somehow. I was supposed to have hang outs with old university friends this evening and previously I was thinking to skip it, yet I felt that I need different atmosphere. I joined them and I really felt much better now. Well, at least I can see it clearly what actions should be taken after this.

🙂

Dare to be different?

Still related to my previous post, about being realist or idealist, now I was asked this question, do I brave enough to be different?

It is my nature to deeply think about something, even I often had some sleepless nights when something important was coming closer and closer. I used not to be like that, but just different symptomps haha :p. When I was junior high and senior high, I tend to be nervous till I can’t think clearly. As I enter my university, I had gastric pain when I was exhausted and stressed. Now, it moves to upper part, my brain. The more I think about something, I can’t release it from my head therefore, I can’t sleep at night.

In relation to it, I had some lately. The reason is simple, I’m taking decision which surprised many people, as if it was’t me. Yes, it’s still related to my resign decision. People think I’m too impulsive. The job market is not in it’s good condition since the economical reces, even after America elected its new president. Looking for a job maybe harder than before.

Continue reading Dare to be different?

Idealist vs realist

Is it okay to be idealist? Or should we be realist? This question often popped out in my head nowadays. There are two recent activities which made that floated in my mind.

The first one is yesterday when I drive my mom for monthly grocceries shopping.

I told her everything about my (previous) working place. I was able to explain the condition in my working place without losing my patience. I was taking my time to describe the condition from one department to another, the work colleagues issues, and many more. In the other hand, my mom was patiently listening to me and giving some comments. She was not judging me whether I was wrong or not yet she was not supporting me. Just listen to me. Thus, somehow, there were some urge inside asking me to tell her about my plan (after I decided to resigned for work).

Well, my parents quite woried about me since I resigned from my work. I didn’t tell them much about it when I decided to do it, yet my future plan. So, it’s quite normal isn’t it?

I’ll explain the second reason before discussing the main topic.

Continue reading Idealist vs realist

New year = new resolutions?

First of all, Happy new year!!

It’s been a while haven’t write here, that’s what I thought at first. Feels like want to write my thoughts yet confuse which one should I write – even the first sentence to begin this post. So I guess, I just need to take it slowly and be patience with myself – writing this is kind of helping me straightening things out. It’s not to be read by someone, it’s good though if someone reads it, which means I shared my thoughts with people who read it, but if it’s not, it’s still good for me anyway.

As my title for this post, does new year equal to new resolution? I’m still trying to find the answer for myself. To be honest, sometimes I felt a bit lost. Lost in myself since there are many things that I like to do but, it’s obvious, time is the limit. Therefore, lost here means I even can’t determine what I like to do or what I will become. This is happened since I decided to resign from my working place few months ago.

I worked for a private institute in my hometown as lecturer after my graduation. I was given opportunity because I was already teaching assistant during my final year of study. I worked there because I feel challenged to repair the system as I felt that the system was calling me. Honestly, the system was not so justified for us students even since I was student there. Therefore I felt that this might be my chance to do something useful, for the place where I learn and grow. After working there for 1.5 years, I was given opportunity to study abroad by scholarship. I learned many new things and able to see differently. Living in a new culture was hell of exciting experience for me and somehow, it influenced me in terms how I think and act. Finishing the study for 1.5 years, I returned to my campus as I promised before.

However, things are not the same anymore. Not only me – who changes, but also the campus. Being away for a while, not interacting with people inside it for sometime were quite a surprise for me. I can see a lot of things in my “old” workplace that I dislike but I don’t have choices or able to do something about it.  It’s more like “take it” or “leave it” world.

Before returning to that place, I was preparing myself to face some changes. However, it wasn’t well prepared, or at least, my effort wasn’t paid off. I still quite surprised with the changes, or more likely I can’t take it anymore.

Now, when I’m looking back what happened few months ago, I still able to feel the pain and the stress. It also feels like I’m having minor trauma about that place.

Now, when I have lots of free time, I let myself has a peace moment with me. Asking what I would like to do in this year, what I would like to achieve, what dreams that I’d like to follow and many other questions.

So, I guess, I’m hoping that I will be able to fulfill my dreams or maybe before that, I will be able to find “me”. The “me” that feels comfortable without thinking what others will say about “me”. I won’t add something sophisticated to be my new year resolution. That’s my 2009 resolution.

Do your job with all your heart or do not

If you were asked, which one do you choose do your work as it is, or do it whole-heartedly. Let’s say, that your working hour is from 8-5, will you or will you not work overtime if you still have some works to do?
This is the question that floating in my mind recently. Well, it’s quite obvious that when you’re into something 24 hours seems not enough, isn’t?

Okay let’s begin the story with what happens in my work place.
It’s a private institute which specialized in engineering field. I don’t know whether it’s typical of “geek” or what, not only the students but also the lecturers seem having difficulties to work in team. What makes working together as a team more difficult is the stubbornness, and unwilling to negotiate or open to other possibility. That’s classic.
Recently, I was working on few events simultaneously. Like the old saying, preparation requires all the hard work rather than the real event takes place. So, I did all my best so that the event can go well.

Continue reading Do your job with all your heart or do not

Pride

Work harassment! I’m striking a complaint. Haha 😀

I was snowed by quite a lot of work since my second week settlement which is two months ago. My peace and relax live was robbed by the harshness of working life. I’m not trying to exaggerate my situation.

At first, I was quite happy since I didn’t have much things to do, although with a little bit of confusion.
I had left my work place for one-and-a-half year to finish my master degree. I left my position, assigned all my previous duty to successors, studied whole-heartedly (some time to play around of course 😉 ) and returned to the same place, without a post.

It took me the whole first month to adapt to the new staffs appointed by my boss.
So, what I did were a little helping hand here and there.

Continue reading Pride

A Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee

I read this story from a mailist quite sometimes ago, which I forgot which mailist and who posted it.

When things in your lives seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous ‘yes.’

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided,

‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things–your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.  The sand is everything else—the small stuff.’

‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.  Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first—the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.’

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled. ‘I’m glad you asked.  It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.’